Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
