Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize