I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
