At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
