The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
