chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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