Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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