I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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