he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
As shirtless as possible
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
