If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
