im drinking this country out of the recession.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
