dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
me + whiskey = a bad person
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
