Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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