i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
