Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
