No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
