Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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