dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
