All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
