I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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