you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
