I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
