Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
