You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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