i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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