I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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