Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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