You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
