my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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