Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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