The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
