i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
