that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
