Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
