HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
