Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
