wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
