i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
