Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
