She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
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