i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
