I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Randomize