Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
