My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
