My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
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