i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
