Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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