He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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