i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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