Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
