A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
