If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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