I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
