what if every blade of grass was a penis?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Shame is for Republicans.
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