I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
