If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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