I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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