do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize