This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
