90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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