That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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