This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
