My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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