Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
