we have officially lost it.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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