what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
he fucked my hip out of place.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
