Someone shit on the floor
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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