you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
People in love make me want to vomit
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
