im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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