Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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